#13: “The Human Centipede”

For a lot of people, “The Human Centipede” is a film they never wish to watch because of its reputation. So we watched it for those people and we’re here to break it all down in EXCRUCIATING DETAIL.
From IMDB: “A mad scientist kidnaps and mutilates a trio of tourists in order to reassemble them into a human centipede, created by stitching their mouths to each others’ rectums.”
Cast:
Dieter Laser … Dr. Heiter
Ashley C. Williams … Lindsay
Ashlynn Yennie … Jenny
Akihiro Kitamura … Katsuro
Director:

#12: “Anon”

With cops, murders, eye cameras and sexy sex you’d think “Anon” would be pretty decent. Well…I’m not gonna tell you what to think. Just listen to the episode and we’ll tell you what we think.
From Wikipedia: “The plot follows a troubled detective in a futuristic world where privacy and anonymity no longer exist, who comes across a young woman that has evaded the government’s transparency system.”
Cast:
Clive Owen … Sal Frieland
Amanda Seyfried … The Girl
Director:

#11: “The Polka King”

Bringing new life to the term “sunny disposition”, Jack Black stars in this goofy biopic.

From IMDB: Local Pennsylvania polka legend Jan Lewan develops a plan to get rich that shocks his fans and lands him in jail.

Cast:
Jack Black … Jan Lewan
Jenny Slate … Marla Lewan
Jason Schwartzman … Mickey Pizzazz
Jacki Weaver … Barb
J.B. Smoove … Ron Edwards (as JB Smoove)
Vanessa Bayer … Bitsy Bear

Director:
Maya Forbes

#10: “The Foreigner”

Jackie Chan gets sad, old James Bond gets Irish, and the guys get lost in this action thriller about the IRA.
From IMDB: “A humble businessman with a buried past seeks justice when his daughter is killed in an act of terrorism. A cat-and-mouse conflict ensues with a government official, whose past may hold clues to the killers’ identities.”
Cast:
Jackie Chan … Quan Ngoc Minh
Pierce Brosnan … Liam Hennessy
Director:

#9: “Fifty Shades Freed”

We finish off the Fifty Shades trilogy. A saga that truly tested our patience. Come join us in laughing at all the unsexy sex scenes, the bad acting, silly plot lines, etc. Mostly, help us close this chapter forever because DAMN.

From IMDB: Anastasia and Christian get married, but Jack Hyde continues to threaten their relationship. Huh. I thought IMDB would have more to say, but even they don’t give a s**t.

Cast:
Dakota Johnson … Anastasia Steele
Jamie Dornan … Christian Grey
Marcia Gay Harden … Mrs. Grey
Eric Johnson … Jack Hyde
Director:

#8: “Fifty Shades Darker”

Why not just do the whole f***ing trilogy? Well we are. Peter is back to help us try to make sense of the second movie in the Fifty Shades Trilogy, “Fifty Shades Darker.” We can guarantee listening to us will be more enjoyable than actually watching this thing.

From IMDB: While Christian wrestles with his inner demons, Anastasia must confront the anger and envy of the women who came before her.

Cast:
Dakota Johnson … Anastasia Steele
Jamie Dornan … Christian Grey
Marcia Gay Harden … Mrs. Grey
Eric Johnson … Jack Hyde
Kim Basinger … Elena Lincoln
Director:

#7: “Fifty Shades of Grey”

Thanks to a fan suggestion and a lack of self-respect, the guys take you to their playroom to review “Fifty Shades of Grey”. This episode is also special because Peter Jennings, a friend of the podcast, is here to help sort through this “movie”.
From IMDB: “Literature student Anastasia Steele’s life changes forever when she meets handsome, yet tormented, billionaire Christian Grey.”
Cast:
Dakota Johnson … Anastasia Steele
Jamie Dornan … Christian Grey
Marcia Gay Harden … Mrs. Grey
Director:

#6: “The Lobster”

Ever wondered what would happen if you never found love and were forcibly turned into an animal? Me neither. But apparently, the makers of “The Lobster” did.

From IMDB: “In a dystopian near future, single people, according to the laws of The City, are taken to The Hotel, where they are obliged to find a romantic partner in forty-five days or are transformed into beasts and sent off into The Woods.”

Cast:
Colin Farrell … David
John C. Reilly … Lisping Man
Léa Seydoux … Loner Leader
Rachel Weisz … Short Sighted Woman
Ben Whishaw … Limping Man

Director:
Yorgos Lanthimos

#5: “Shot Caller”

It’s time to go to prison! Kevin and Brian take a look at the prison drama “Shot Caller” and realize how dead they would be if actually sent to prison. Best behavior.

From IMDB: “A newly released prisoner is forced by the leaders of his gang to orchestrate a major crime with a brutal rival gang on the streets of Southern California.” Also, make sure to stick around to the end for the movie we’re reviewing next week!

Cast:
Nikolaj Coster-Waldau … Jacob / Money
Omari Hardwick … Kutcher
Lake Bell … Kate
Jon Bernthal … Frank ‘Shotgun’

Director:
Ric Roman Waugh

#3: “The Ritual”

Kevin and Brian break down the Netflix original “The Ritual”, a horror film about how you should never go into the woods…ever. Make sure to stick around till the end to find out what movie they’re doing next!
From IMDB: “A group of college friends reunite for a trip to the forest, but encounter a menacing presence in the woods that’s stalking them.”
Cast:
Rafe Spall … Luke
Arsher Ali … Phil
Robert James-Collier … Hutch
Sam Troughton … Dom
Paul Reid … Robert
Director:

#2: “The Open House”

Kevin and Brian review a Netflix original home invasion movie and…well..here’s that review. Make sure to stick around till the end to find out what movie they’re doing next!
From IMDB: “A teenager and his mother find themselves besieged by threatening forces when they move into a new house.”
Cast:
Dylan Minnette … Logan Wallace
Piercey Dalton … Naomi Wallace
Directors:
Note: We had to change the name of the podcast after this was released so don’t be freaked out if you hear us refer to the podcast as “We Watched a Movie”.

#1: “Gerald’s Game”

The guys review “Gerald’s Game” and talk about how they would escape their dickish husbands’ sex games. Make sure to stick around till the end to find out what movie they’re doing next!

From IMDB: “While trying to spice up their marriage in their remote lake house, Jessie must fight to survive when her husband dies unexpectedly, leaving her handcuffed to their bed frame.”

Cast:
Carla Gugino … Jessie Burlingame
Bruce Greenwood … Gerald Burlingame
Carel Struycken … Moonlight Man

Director:
Mike Flanagan

Note: We had to change the name of the podcast after this was released so don’t be freaked out if you hear us refer to the podcast as “We Watched a Movie”.